It’d been abandoned for years, but we’re always fixing it up and salvaging useful bits of garbage, like the Boxcar Children. In my dream, we’re all adults but we’re squatting there. I think it’s the most time we spent in a house and although it was only a mystical moment in a complex and meaningful childhood, it has sustained itself in my memory through all my transitions. I still dream about that place all the time. Then Dad fell off the wagon and we got evicted from the trailer on the hill. He wasn’t crazy about my sexuality, but we each individually thought that the other was a total dickhead anyway, so it didn’t really matter. I had found a group of friends who accepted me, and my brother, Jay, and I were inseparable. I started to have relationships with girls in secret at school and creepy relationships with much older women in my band/work life. In this excerpt from Carlile’s excellent new memoir Broken Horses (Random House), the singer-songwriter talks about some of the tragedies (a friend’s suicide), trauma (trying to get baptized) and thrills (falling for her first girlfriend) from that period.
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